Baristas Don't Need Sleep Anyway

Last night I went to bed around 1am. For no reason at all, I woke up
at about 4:30am and could not, for the life of me, fall back asleep. I
tossed and turned and got up and laid back down and took off the
covers and put them back on and rolled onto my stomach and flipped
onto my back.

When I used to have trouble sleeping I'd burrow into my
then-boyfriend's armpit face first and would pass right out. So I made
a nook with my own arm and tried to burrow into the crook of my elbow.
Apparently, his armpit had sedating powers that my elbow does not.
Then I tried a trick I learned from my neice, Addison. When she was a
wee little baby, she'd slowly stroke the top of her own head until she
fell asleep. It was adorable and seemed effective. Stroking my own
head made me feel like a sad loser who has no one to stroke her head
so she has to do it herself; and it brought me no closer to sleep.

By 5:15, I was angry. By 5:30, I was considering just getting up and
making breakfast. Sauteed potatoes and a fried egg. Oooh and
cheese. Maybe some ranch. Too bad I left my hot sauce at work. Did I
leave my new jeans at work??? No. I brought them to the bar with me
and then brought them home. I can't believe I spent 45 bucks on
jeans... AND SO ON! My mind would not shut up and when my alarm went
off at 6 my lip started to tremble and my eyes filled with tears. If
an exhausted single girl groans when her alarm goes off and there's no
one else in her bed to hear it, does it make a sound?

...It does actually.