Instead of thinking of new resolutions for 2011, can't I just make some retroactive resolutions for 2010?
I will drive all the way back from Pennsylvania, only slightly hungover, bright and early on January 1. I will not cry in front of my mother even though I can think of nothing else on the 15 hour drive other than how sad I am and how much I miss the idiot who broke my heart. (Success!)
I will spend Valentine's Day at a Hex Your Ex party and try to get a lil payback. (Evil Success!)
Hexing my Ex will prove bad for my Karma and I will lose my phone that very night and cry myself to sleep, drunk, on my aunt's shoulder at The Golden Nugget at 3am. ("Success"...there is a photo out there to prove it.)
I will party it up Chirish style on St. Patty's Day! We will not lose our collection of cups like in previous years!! My brother will not lose my uncle downtown (like he did 2 years ago) and my uncle will not run from the cops down an alley and make a covert getaway in a cab, then order a $26 dollar "Victory Burger" (like he did 2 years ago). (Drunken Success!)
I will audition! I will be cast! I will sing in front of an audience! I will write my own material and it will be hilarious! (SIDE-SPLITTING SUCCESS!)
I will hook up because I'm single! And because I can! (Hehe. Triumphant Success.)
I will treat my best friend/soulmate as my significant other (my amazing girlfriend skills have to be put to use!). I will let myself into her apartment while she's at work and make her dinner. I will walk her dog (and pick up the poops). I will help her carry chairs we find in an alley a mile to her apartment and up three flights of stairs in the July heat. I will help her carry a 2 piece sectional leather couch down the alley and up three flights of stairs on the coldest day of December. I will help carry her up three flights of stairs if the situation calls for it. (Back-Aching Success.)
I will support my AMAZING aunt as she runs her first 15K and Half Marathon!! (That's HER Success!)
I will finally pick up my college diploma. Two years after I finished college. (Procrastinator's Version of Success.)
I will educate myself about how I nourish my body. I will learn of the conditions and inhumanity of farms, slaughterhouses, and the laughable standards of the meat industry. I will learn what eating animal meat does to your insides. I will understand that eating the rotting insides of animals is in no way beneficial or healthy for my body. I will never again purchase or eat meat. Luckily I will not go through this education process alone and I will have the support of my aunt as she and I swear off the cruelty, lies, and harm of the meat industry together. (Joint Success!)
I will expand my horizons. I will make new friends and try new things. I will go to art galleries and charity events. (High Brow Success.)
I will cheer for the Cubs even when it's beyond embarrassing. I will cheer for the Blackhawks (admittedly as a bandwagon fan) and experience the pandemonium in the middle of Wrigleyville as they win the Stanley Cup. I will do cartwheels down Clark Street! I will cheer for Da Bears- loudly. I will sing "Bear Down" for every touchdown! (Athletic Success!)
I will celebrate my first of many meat-free Thanksgivings and Christmases! (Delicious Success!)
I will put the past in it's place. I will forgive, I will forget. I will release grudges that weigh me down and keep me anchored to regret and "what ifs" . (Success-in-progress.)
Cheers to you and your resolutions...those kept, forgotten, still in progress. Have a safe and happy new year!
